Hello horizontal lover.
This is the podcast about sex, love, & relationships of all kinds that’s entirely recorded while lying down.
Usually, I aim to make every recording more of a long-form conversation and less of an interview, but the world is topsy-turvy, and so is Season 4, my Season of Experiments.
This episode is a traditional interview (albeit, an explicit one) mostly presented in the style of NPR. Instead of my usual horizontal conversation, in which I share as openly and vulnerably as my guest, for this episode I’ll be your narrator, guiding you through the life of an oversexed little Italian boy who grows up to be an oversexed British man, utilizing choice clips from his tales.
In this and the following episode, I lie down with Iena: vast lover of womankind, kinkster, rope aficionado, photographer, former porn producer, and sadist extraordinaire. I met him through the Shibari community in Canggu. He once suspended me from a piece of bamboo in a pose that looked kind of like a praying mantis.
The first half of our interview is available in all the podcast places for all of you horizontalists, and the latter half is available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts. So, if you want to hear Iena’s extreme tale of a bewildering sexual exploit involving a gorgeous Scandinavian woman on top, and something that he did not consent to, become a patron to listen to the second part of this interview. $7 a month gives you access to over 50 episodes not available to the general public, as well as contributing to keep horizontal independent, uncensored, and ad-free.
In this part, we traverse from:
* Iena’s 4 year-old erections through
* nudie mags in the crib
* his obsession with full bush, newsstands, and porn
* 10 years of sexual mentoring
* an abiding love of tits,
* foreplay & the orgasmic platform
* the first time in his life he felt like he was one cock short, and
* his first sexual experience, which includes a cruise, a crew, a short black bob, & some bushes
Now come lie down with us in Canggu, Bali, Indonesia.
Hello horizontal lover. horizontal is the podcast about sex, love, & relationships of all kinds, entirely recorded while lying down.
Usually, I have a guest or sometimes two (and on one notable occasion, nine!) reclining next to me, or, This Season in the Era of Covid, my guest is sometimes lying down across the world from me ... and we have an intimate, vulnerable, long-form and far-ranging conversation that unfolds over the course of 3 - 5 hours, and gets divided into 2 - 4 episodes.
horizontal is Slow Radio. A kind of stargazing, or post-coital, or loooong road trip sort of conversation. And that’s what horizontality is to me. A relinquishing of pretense. A deepening of voice. A languor that inspires revelation. An invitation to unzip to our tenderest. It’s like consensual eavesdropping. We invite you in to lie down next to us, as we share our secrets in your ears.
Typically, the first half of our conversation is available in all the podcast places for all of you horizontalists, and the latter half is available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts. Occasionally I’ll do a quickie episode, which consists of a single intimate story, usually recorded live at one of my horizontal storytelling pajama party events.
This is Season 4, however, my Season of Experiments. In it, I intend to be playful with form and format, interspersing surprises and dancing with theme and time.
The experiment of this episode, 120 is … poetry. I hadn’t written poetry in several years, and then three months ago I went to this Open Mic here in Canggu. The upswelling of personal expression, and the prospect of being on stage again, which is a rush my body craves, so inspired me that I started writing the first of these poems during intermission! You may recognize the subject (and the love affair) of the piece titled “climaxes and denouements” from my part two with Bevin, episode 62. we can be benefits, but not friends. The second poem, “exquisite cupboards,” was inspired by a disappointing young lover here in Bali. Does he know he’s the muse? Yes he does. I read it to him...horizontally, in bed.
They are both love poems, or, shall I say, lost-love poems.
For access to The Full Horizontal, plus monthly intimacy tips like the Fears / Boundaries / Intentions / Desires exercise, become a patron of the horizontal arts! Navigate to www.patreon.com/horizontalwithlila to join. You must go to that link directly, because creators considered “adult” will not show up on Patreon’s search engine! (Which lets us know just how far we have to go in creating a sex-positive world, eh?) Sigh.
If you are a non-poetry person, I hope you’ll still allow this episode to wash over you with the same receptivity as you do other horizontal installments. In fact, I’ve heard from multiple not-poetry-people (including my dear friend and guest of episodes 59 & 60, Samia) that they don’t like poetry, but they like my poetry ... which is basically how I feel about dogs, and Kristi Ann’s dog Stella. Please don’t hold this against me.
And now darlings, come lie down with me, in Canggu, Bali, Indonesia.
Hello horizontal lover. horizontal is the podcast about intimacy of all kinds, recorded while lying down.
You’re listening to Season 4, my Season of Experiments. During this season, I’m playing with form and format, length and structure, context and content. I’ll be including mash-ups with other podcasts, themed episodes, crossovers, and shows with segments, among other things. Unlike the first three seasons, most of Season 4 will be recorded remotely, so I’m often horizontal across the world from my guest … which is a grand experiment in itself.
This is part three of my 4-episode arc with Kelsey Grant: Love Educator, boundaries expert, writer, singer, witchy woman, & creatrix of various kinds… known on Instagram as @radicalselflove.
Usually, my horizontal recording sessions are between 3 and 5 hours long, and divided into two parts (if 3 hours) or 4 parts (if 5). The first installment — or the first two installments — are available in all the podcast places for all horizontalists, and the second half — or the latter two parts — are available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts. One of my experiments with Kelsey’s arc is to divvy things up a bit differently. In this case, my first and third episode with Kelsey (which are episodes 116, and this installment, 118) are available to everyone, and the second and fourth are available exclusively to patrons.
There’s also a bonus sort of grab bag stream-of-consciousness episode we recorded that I’m considering releasing in full as a bonus episode for patrons, or, also in two parts. To be determined, horizontal lovers…
For access to The Full Horizontal, which includes all the part twos (or in this case, twos and fours) going back to the beginning, become a patron of the horizontal arts by navigating directly to patreon.com/horizontalwithlila
Use that link precisely because creators dubbed “adult” are hidden by Patreon’s search engine. When you become a patron, I also send you a personal thank-you video (with a Happy Dance).
In part one, episode 116. planet friendship (my first episode that’s almost entirely about platonic intimacy) we talked about her nourishing female friend pod and 6-month vetting process, mother-wounds, getting kicked out of the house, emotional release, resisting the codependent parental undertow, & how Kelsey and her best friend heal by re-parenting each other.
In part two, episode 117. an emotionally safe connection (a patron-only episode), we discussed my best friend Marghe, inner circle friendship, virtual and in-person connection, the ability to hold simultaneous conflicting emotions, Harry Potter and nerding out, & the masterful, loving way Kelsey expressed her boundaries to me.
In this, part three, we deliberately got horizontal to talk about sex. We explored cervical, g-spot, and clitoral orgasms, devotional presence and the lack thereof, fantasizing about women during sex, self-reverence, Kelsey’s sexual evolution, from getting kicked out of the house to her Huntress phase to exploration with a virgin to going off the pill to kink to cervical orgasms & betrayal, to self-exploration & crystal dildos.
If you’d like one-on-one guidance from me on your intimate struggles, I now offer Personal Intimacy Roadmap Sessions: 60-minute sessions with a takeaway plan. In other words, sex-positive, judgement-free, compassionate support for what ails you in the realm of sex, love, & relationships of all kinds.
To schedule, email lila@horizontalwithlila.com. If you desire ongoing support of your intimate growth, join the $100 Patreon tier on Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila, and receive a 30-minute coaching session every month!
In next week’s patrons-only episode with Kelsey, we delve into sex that disturbs the neighbors, woundmates and heartmates, the runner & the chaser, dating with intention, the fantasy of her former relationship, overfunctioning & underfunctioning, losing sexual desire, and whether woundmate relationships can become healthy.
Until next time, may you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. I’m looking forward to the Wednesday night public speaking club I’ve been attending, and getting put on the spot.
Thank you for listening. Thank you for getting horizontal.
Now come lie down with us again, in Canggu, Bali, Indonesia, and Vancouver, BC, Canada.
Hello, horizontal lover. horizontal is the podcast about sex, love, and relationships of all kinds, recorded while lying down.
This is Season 4, my Season of Experiments. This season marks the first time I’ve ever recorded remotely. So, many times, I’m no longer in the same bed as my guest— which is already a grand experiment in itself, as every single episode of my first three seasons was recorded in person, lying down, wearing robes, shoulder-to-shoulder, right next to my guest. As though stargazing, or post-coital, or in the deep hours of a very long road trip.
I’m always saying that I want to expand people’s notion of what intimacy is, and can be. Remaining overseas during a global pandemic has encouraged me to expand my own notion of intimacy. I used to disparage the value of virtual connection... and suddenly, that’s most of what most of us have. And we must figure out how to make it nourishing for us… or go hungry.
My mission holds steady: To make the world a more intimate place. One episode, one conversation, one essay, one video, one session, one workshop, one course, one talk at a time. So here is my current pursuit: to weave the kind of empathetic cocoon that I cultivate in person, in bed, to inspire a blossoming conversation full of raw, revealing, vulnerable, genuine intimacies, with someone who is horizontal literally across the world.
In this, and the following three episodes, I lie down with the delicious Kelsey Grant, known on Instagram as @radicalselflove. She is my new friend. And I feel very proud to say so. Apropos of this season’s overarching intimacy-across-distance motif, we have not yet met in person. I look forward to the day when I can put my arms around Kelsey and squeeze. Kelsey is a Love Educator, an incisive writer, a boundaries expert, a singer and creatrix of various mediums, and a powerfully tender woman. She has a generous laugh, and her wisdom is free of bullshit. She’s in it, she doesn’t pretend to be otherwise, and that’s what makes her a whole, human, and a great leader. I have much to learn from her, and I imagine you will, too.
Half of our episodes will be available in all the podcast places for all horizontalists, and the other episodes will be available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.
You can become a patron right this instant for access to The Full Horizontal by navigating directly to patreon.com/horizontalwithlila
When you become a patron, I send you a personal thank-you video (with a Happy Dance).
If you seek guidance for your intimate struggles, I offer Personal Intimacy Roadmap Sessions: 60-minutes of judgement-free, sex-positive guidance… with a takeaway plan (your roadmap)! What ails you in the realm of sex, love, & relationships of all kinds? To schedule, email lila@horizontalwithlila.com and I’ll send you a fun form to fill out (well, I think it’s fun; I made it) so I can best prepare for you. One of my happy clients said, “I’ve had a lot of therapy. But you give advice a therapist cannot give.” Bam!
Here, in my first experiment with Kelsey, we scrap the structure, and instead of starting at the very beginning (a very good place to start), as a classic horizontal episode does, we start from the very right now (also a very good place to start) with the question, “What is alive in you?” And that is how this episode came to be all about nourishing female friendship, envy, & backstabbing, the 6-month inner circle vetting process, mother-wounds, getting kicked out of the house as a teenager, emotional release & worrying about the neighbors, swamping, resisting the codependent parental undertow, & how Kelsey and her best friend heal by re-parenting each other.
This episode was mixed and mastered by Irving Gadhoury of IGrecording.com. My cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay, whom you can find on 99designs. The remix of my original intro music was created by kidmental, an acapella beatbox musician, and a Black creator you can support right now on Fiverr or Patreon.
In next week’s exclusive, patrons-only episode, we talk about my best friend, the defining factor of a tier one inner circle friendship, virtual and in-person connection, the ability to hold simultaneous conflicting emotions, nerding out, my weekly Covid-era ritual of Escapist Animated Movie Night, & how Kelsey’s ability to express loving boundaries with me, marks the beginning of a beautiful friendship. To gain access to the next episode (and all the other part twos, or threes and fours going back to the beginning), navigate to patreon.com/horizontalwithlila and become a patron of the horizontal arts!
Now come lie down with us, in Uluwatu, Bali, Indonesia, and Vancouver, BC, Canada.
Hello my horizontal lover. horizontal is the podcast about sex, love, and relationships of all kinds, recorded while lying down.
This is Season 4, my Season of Experiments. I’ll be playing with form in all sorts of ways: with coaching sessions and mash-ups and crossovers, happenings and themes and advice sessions, horizontality in unexpected places, and other intimate surprises.
In the first four episodes of this season, I (virtually) lie down with Lemarc Thomas, global matchmaker, relationship expert, sweetheart, psychology-versed purveyor of kindness, native St. Helenian, marriage equality advocate, husband to Michael, and, as he has been dubbed by The Telegraph, “the gentle but determined Cupid.”
Our first two episodes are available in all the podcast places for all my horizontalists. Parts three and four will be available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.
Become a patron for access to The Full Horizontal by navigating directly to patreon.com/horizontalwithlila !
In our first part, episode 112. broken a few hearts, Lemarc interviewed me as if I were his newest matchmaking client. It’s a particularly revealing and tender episode for me, as I disclose my visions for a romantic relationship, struggles with belief & sexual attraction, past experiences with some of the men I’ve hurt, and some who’ve hurt me, my pattern of choosing unavailable men to love, fear of feeling suffocated, whether I’ve experienced emotional and sexual attraction at the same time, what I love about being me, and what I imagine my future partner will love about being with me.
You could use episode 112 to Think Like Your Own Matchmaker, and get closer to envisioning the core of your heart’s desire. Check the show notes on horizontalwithlila.com for the series of questions Lemarc asked me, and perhaps try journaling on them, or getting together with a beloved friend to ask them of each other. If you do so with a friend, I suggest you record it, so you can listen back and see: am I exploring love in accordance with my values.
This is the second episode of my four-part arc with Lemarc. Our experiment is my very first themed episode. I interview Lemarc all about matchmaking. We discuss:
* the differences between traditional matchmaking and Lemarc’s modern take on the industry
* his 4-step process
* love coaching vs. therapy
* being our full rainbow & sharing our crazy
* how to not to date like a teenager
* non-negotiables & deal-breakers
* cultivating communities that will hold the love that we meet
* The Matchmaking Experiment
* becoming a matchmaker
* how Lemarc keeps his vast network in mind, &
* his signature love advice.
This episode was mixed and mastered by Irving Gadhoury, IGrecording.com on the interwebz. My cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay, whom you can find on 99designs. This remix of my original intro music was created by kidmental, an acapella beatbox musician, and a Black creator you can support right now.
If you’d like one-on-one guidance from me on your intimate struggles, I now offer Personal Intimacy Roadmap Sessions. They are 60-minute sessions of sex-positive, judgement-free, kink-aware, LGBTQ+ celebratory, gender-affirming support for what ails you in the realm of sex, love, & relationships of any kind. A session includes exercises, techniques, recommendations, homework, & a tailored roadmap of resources to use as you navigate the terrain of your intimacy challenge. One happy client said, “I’ve had a lot of therapy. But you give advice a therapist cannot give!”
To schedule, email lila@horizontalwithlila.com, and I’ll send you my welcome form, so I can best prepare for you. If you desire ongoing support of your intimate growth, become a patron of the horizontal arts at the $100/month level and receive a 30-minute coaching session every month! To peruse all the patron tiers and sign up, navigate directly to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila, and thank you for being a part of making the world a more intimate place.
In next week’s patrons-only episode with Lemarc, we explore his childhood as a effeminate boy growing up on one of the most remote inhabited islands in the world, belonging and outsiderness, chameleon-like behavior, and codependency.
Come lie down with us in Uluwatu, Bali, Indonesia & Stockholm, Sweden.
Hello my horizontal lover. horizontal is the podcast about sex, love, and relationships of all kinds, recorded while lying down.
This is the kickoff of Season 4, my Season of Experiments. I’ll be playing with form in all sorts of ways: with coaching sessions and mash-ups and crossovers, happenings and themes and advice sessions, horizontality in unexpected places, and other intimate surprises.
In all my visions for Season 4, I never considered recording virtually as one of the experiments, let alone the central experiment. But the world changed.
I never wanted to record virtually. I was, in fact, entirely adamant about recording in person, right next to my guest, sharing a pillow, shoulder-to-shoulder, wearing robes. That’s how it went. I felt the vibe depended on it. The depth. The felt intimacy translated from our proximal bodies, through the magic of the recorded sound waves, and into you. I thought the only way you would truly feel as if you were lying down next to us was if we were, in fact, literally lying down next to one another.
But then the world changed. And in this world, recording in person becomes… less of an option. In this world, our intimate struggles have only intensified.
I’ve started giving Free Love Advice on Instagram, and offering Intimacy Roadmap Sessions on Zoom — 60-minute coaching sessions with a takeaway plan.
Our need for nourishing connection remains central to our wellbeing— the difference is: now, pretty much everyone is aware of that. Therein lies the paradox for us to manage, as Esther Perel says. We are more aware than ever that we require intimacy, and Covid times make it exponentially harder to meet those needs.
The struggles people bring to me are so often about distance now. We ask: when will it be okay to hug our friends again? Go to a party? Dance with strangers? Do anything at all in a crowded room? How can we connect across distance? Have sex at a distance? Cultivate intimacy despite distance? Feel nourished by the kinds of intimacy available to us at a distance? How can we date responsibly, in a way that feels real? I grapple with questions like these daily, in parallel to you.
It feels like a test of my superpowers, in a way. But, perhaps this is just the sort of thing I’ve been preparing for. I have a toolbox full of ways to connect, that I’ve been honing for most of my life, and my mission holds steady: To make the world a more intimate place. One episode, one conversation, one essay, one video, one session, one workshop, one course, one talk at a time.
So here is my current pursuit: How can I weave the kind of empathetic cocoon that I cultivate in person in bed, with someone who is horizontal across the world?
I have so many opportunities to find out! Once I embraced the idea of recording remotely, and grappled with the technical learning curve, I became enlivened by the possibilities. I could potentially lie down with anyone on the planet!
In the first four episodes of Season 4, I virtually lie down with Lemarc Thomas, global matchmaker, relationship expert, sweetheart, psychology-versed purveyor of kindness, native St. Helenian, marriage equality advocate, husband to Michael, and, as he has been dubbed by The Telegraph, “the gentle but determined Cupid.”
Our first two episodes will be available in all the podcast places for all the horizontalists. The second two (in which we explore Lemarc’s childhood as an effeminate boy growing up on a very small island, belonging, and his landmark marriage to his Swedish husband Michael) will be available exclusively to my patrons of the horizontal arts.
Become a patron for access to The Full Horizontal by navigating directly to patreon.com/horizontalwithlila
In this, my first horizontal experiment with Lemarc, he interviews me as though I were his newest matchmaking client. (Full disclosure: I am the only horizontal one for this episode. Lemarc is in consulting mode, seated in his office in Sweden and I am, in a way, on the matchmaker’s couch, across the world in Bali. And just in case you were concerned, Lemarc does get horizontal with me in our upcoming episodes.)
In this episode, I reveal myself deeply. I share my visions for a romantic relationship, my struggles with belief & sexual attraction, some of the men I’ve hurt, and some who’ve hurt me, my pattern of choosing unavailable men, a fear of feeling suffocated, whether I’ve experienced emotional attraction and sexual attraction at the same time, and what I would need to feel free be all in. At the end of the session, Lemarc asks me what I love about being me, and what I believe my future partner will love about being with me.
If you’d like one-on-one guidance from me on your intimate struggles, I now offer Personal Intimacy Roadmap Sessions. They are 60-minute sessions of sex-positive, judgement-free, kink-aware, LGBTQ+ celebratory, gender-affirming support for what ails you in the realm of sex, love, & relationships of any kind. A session includes exercises, techniques, recommendations, homework, & a tailored roadmap of resources to use as you navigate the terrain of your intimacy challenge. One happy client said, “I’ve had a lot of therapy. But you give advice a therapist cannot give!”
To schedule, email lila@horizontalwithlila.com, and I’ll send you my welcome form, so I can best prepare for you. If you desire ongoing support of your intimate growth, become a patron of the horizontal arts at the $100/month level and receive a 30-minute coaching session every month! To peruse all the patron tiers and sign up, navigate directly to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila, and thank you for being a part of making the world a more intimate place.
Next week, in part two of our four-part arc, I interview Lemarc. Our second experiment is my very first themed episode. The topic? Matchmaking. I have so many questions!
Thank you for listening to this experiment. Thank you for getting horizontal.
And now, come lie down with me for one of the most vulnerable episodes I’ve ever recorded, in Uluwatu, Bali, Indonesia & Stockholm, Sweden.
This episode was mixed and mastered by Irving Gadhoury, IGrecording.com on the interwebz. My cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay, whom you can find on 99designs. This remix of my original intro music was created by kidmental, an acapella beatbox musician, and a Black creator you can support right now. Get a theme song of your very own by hiring him on Fiverr (recommended!) or becoming his patron on patreon.com/kidmental
Hello horizontal lovers.
horizontal is consensual eavesdropping on conversations about intimacy of all kinds, recorded while lying down, wearing robes.
In this and the following episode, I lie down with Kai Mata, Indonesia’s rainbow-toting, openly LGBTQ+ singer-songwriter. She is a thoughtful rock star, an articulate activist, a love advocate, an outspoken woman with a bamboo guitar living a love life of liberation in a country that expects its women to be neither outspoken nor liberated. I love her. And her meter-long hair.
Kai wears maroon and black almost exclusively, right down to her motorbike helmet. She displays or wears a rainbow flag at every single show, at every single gig, and she will continue to do so until all of her people are free to love who they love.
She battles internet trolls, social media harassment, hate messages, homophobia, discrimination, and erasure by her culture of origin on a daily basis. She is publicly out in a country that persecutes its LGBTQ+ citizens. She is out for all of her fellow Indonesians who cannot be yet, in the hopes of a new era in which they all can feel safe to be.
By the way, she’s 22 years-old.
I first encountered Kai through a Facebook post she made, raising awareness of the persecution of anybody with a queer identity in Indonesia, and the government’s attempt to slip their discrimination into law.
These are Kai’s words, posted on February 21st, 2020:
I need your help.
Indonesia is trying to label all LGBTQ+ people as deviants dangerous to society, legally requiring us to go to conversion therapy.
I am one of the only publicly LGBTQ+ Indonesian Women🏳🌈🇮🇩. Why are there so few of us?
Because my beautiful country has created a society and laws that ostracize and discriminate against my beautiful rainbow community🥺.
This flaming heart breaks with the new “Family Resilience Bill” draft in Indonesia. I am truly in tears.
This new bill would define any LGBTQ+ Member as a sexual deviant. It would require mandatory reporting to the government of anyone suspected to be LGBTQ+.
Those who are reported would then be forced into conversion therapy to be “treated.”
This draft is supported by four major political parties in Indonesia, who claim gays interfere with the future of humanity. It pains me knowing they choose not to realize the humanity within those of us who might love someone of the same gender.
And so I sit in Indonesia, my homeland, with the thought of fleeing ringing in my mind, fearful for my livelihood and scared as to how Indonesia can be developing so quickly with its economy and middle class, yet degenerating with basic human rights.
What booms even louder than my fear: the recognition of the choice I have to stay, the advantage of an international support, and the privilege of a voice.
These laws, regardless if passed, are meant to silence us. And it’s worked at keeping 99% of the LGBTQ+ Indonesians in the closet, frightened by not just legal implications, but the social suicide of coming out and being viewed as the shame of the family. Had I been born in a different situation, I’d be in the closet too.
And thus, I am rooted in my country with a clear message.
I am Indonesian🇮🇩. I am LGBTQ+🏳🌈.
And I am proud of both. They can threaten me and tell me I deserve to die. They can put me in conversion therapy or put me in jail. Nothing will change the fact I am Indonesian and I am flaming gay.
If you’re reading all the way down here, thank you for listening. I encourage you to please share this message to your friends, family, and anyone you know, especially those traveling to Indonesia. This isn’t a solo project. We need a choir of voices singing this message.
Update: please help by sharing (spreads the message for we need the world to recognize what's going on), commenting (it shows support to all the Indonesians like myself who are feeling scared and isolated) and signing this petition: http://chng.it/nGVCh79W2J
That’s the conclusion of Kai’s post from February 2020. This quote “Family Resilience” Bill would require families to turn in their non-heterosexual members for conversion therapy. Let me say that one more time. It would require you to turn in your trans sister, your gay brother, your lesbian aunt, your bisexual daughter, your pansexual cousin — to be tortured by the government, in the name of families.
In this, the first part of our conversation, we talk about the persecution of Chinese Indonesians, Kai’s California childhood, falling in love for the first time (and with a girl), coming out before she was ready, songwriting as emotional awareness, high school in Jakarta, a fateful spring break in Bali, public displays of affection in Indonesia, tourists & nudity in Bali, cultural sensitivity & admitting our privilege, modesty, menstruation, temples, & tampons, the illegality of sex toys, and the fact that our current sexual partners don’t define our sexual orientation.
Each horizontal recording is between 3 and 5 hours long, and divided in two to four parts. My recording with Kai was around 3 hours long, so this episode, 109, the first part of our recording, is available in all the podcast places, and next week’s episode, 110, the second part, will be available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.
Patronage makes it possible for me to share these intimate conversations with the world. Patreon is like the Love Child of crowd-funding and a subscription service. Navigate directly to www.patreon.com/horizontalwithlila (you cannot search for horizontal on the Patreon site, because all adult creators are hidden on the website — letting us know just how far we still have to go), so click the link or type patreon.com/horizontalwithlila in your browser, and become a patron of the horizontal arts. Your patronage keeps horizontal independent and uncensored, as well as unlocking access to all the part twos, the secret patrons Facebook group, & intimacy tips videos like the Inner Mentor visualization.
Here are some of my commitments during this American Revolution, during Pride month, and beyond:
I commit to further amplifying the voices of people with marginalized identities — Black people, People of Color, people in the LGBTQ+ community, and more folx, whose voices are squelched, censored, under-represented, or unheard, in the United States and across the planet.
I commit to loving them fiercely and uplifting them in all the ways that I can.
I commit to showing this love personally, by caring for the beloveds I cherish.
I commit to showing this love at large, through anti-racist action that calls for justice in myriad ways, including, but not limited to—
This episode was mixed and mastered by Irving Gadhoury from IGrecording.com.
My cover art is by Shana Shay — find her on 99 designs.
This remix of my original intro music was created by the beatbox musician kidmental. I first came across kidmental when he remixed Ear Hustle’s theme song. He is a self-contained orchestra. He is a Black creator you can support right now. Get a theme song of your very own by commissioning him on Fiverr, or become his patron on patreon.com/kidmental
If you have an LGBTQ+ friend living in an intolerant place, or among people who provide little support for their true identity, would you share this episode with them? They are not alone. People like Kai are fighting for their right to love who they love.
In next week’s episode, the second part of my conversation with Kai Mata, we discuss Kai’s ideal relationship, the Bali cacao ceremony, age discrepancies & the sexiness of power, the dream marriage tour, Indonesia’s proposed “family resilience bill,” how existing laws are currently used to target Indonesian queers, Kai’s intolerance escape plan, turning her adversity into an advantage, & a story about the self-proclaimed greatest dancer in the world.
To listen to next week’s episode, become a patron of the horizontal arts by navigating directly to patreon.com/horizontalwithlila
And to find out about all things horizontal, including upcoming workshops, my How to Connect course, and Intimacy Advice sessions, sign up for my email missives on horizontalwithlila.com.
Until next time: may you have someones to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. I’m looking forward to leading a workshop on 20 Emotional Release Techniques at the Virtual Intimacy Retreat July 10th - 12th!
Now, my horizontal lover, come lie down with us in Ubud, Bali, Indonesia.
In this episode, I lie down with myself.
I share:
* the WOC Podcasters solidarity statement
* my personal commitment to ongoing anti-racist action
* the names of a few of the many Black lives lost to police brutality, and:
* the story of that time I didn't talk about race (for 11 years) and how that is a textbook example of white fragility and privilege
***
I stand with my sisters from the WOC Podcasters Community, lead by Danielle Desir and crafted by change-maker Tangia Renee [TAN-gee]. These are Tangee’s words. These are our words:
We are podcasters united to condemn the tragic murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and many many others at the hands of police. This is a continuation of the systemic racism pervasive in our country since its inception and we are committed to standing against racism in all its forms.
We believe that to be silent is to be complicit.
We believe that Black lives matter.
We believe that Black lives are more important than property.
We believe that we have a responsibility to use our platforms to speak out against this injustice whenever and wherever we are witness to it.
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Come lie down with me in Ubud, Bali, Indonesia.
Hello horizontal lovers.
horizontal with lila is Slow Radio.
Consensual eavesdropping.
Intimate talks about intimate topics recorded while lying down right next to each other, wearing robes.
This is part two of my four-episode arc with Eri Kardos Patel and Jaymin Patel, recorded in February 2020.
Eri & Jay are world travelers, long-time digital nomads, co-parents of two young children, and American expats in Bali. Eri is the author of the book Relationship Agreements, Jaymin the creator of The Integrated Father.
In part one, episode 104. good kids gone wild, Jay and I told our origin stories, and Eri began hers.
Jaymin’s story involved a strict Indian family, sisters and aunties aplenty, bi-cultural identity, being a model Hindu and a very very very good boy, doing right by his parents, musical theatre, people-pleaser recovery, embracing his weird, Adlerian psych, and positive discipline.
Eri’s involved 3 siblings, constant uprootings, dance, 5 or 6 baptisms, being a very very very good girl, backpacking across the world, youth hostel life, sex addiction worries & Christian counseling, one excellent Sugar Daddy, Seattle, sex-positivity, and her longtime open relating partner Adam.
In part two, we pick up with:
This conversation was recorded over the course of approximately 5 hours.
It’s divided into four parts: the first two, episodes 104 & 105, are available in all the podcast places, and the last two: episodes 106 & 107, will be exclusive to patrons of the horizontal arts.
For access to The Full Horizontal, including 106, 107, and all the part twos (or in this case, threes and fours), become a patron of the horizontal arts!
This is my livelihood for the foreseeable future, so, to all of my current and future patrons:
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank for my subsistence.
And thank you for making the world a more intimate place.
Now come lie down with us again, in Ubud, Bali, Indonesia.
Hello horizontal lovers.
horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. Consensual eavesdropping. Intimacies of all kinds. It’s us lying down right next to each other, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.
Welcome in, and welcome back! It’s been a few months since my last episode — This winter, I got mired in a boggy swamp of depression, stared at the ceiling for a while, binge-watched a lot of dystopian TV, and then journeyed to Bali, Indonesia, to get my juju back.
It’s back!
And... I suppose I live in Bali (for) now!
I’ve missed you. I’ve missed this.
It’s a whole new world out there. And yet. I am more than ever convinced that we need to make private conversations public. I am more than ever convinced that interdependence is the word of the century. I am more than ever convinced that intimacy is the way.
Connection is my wheelhouse. And so, I renew my vows: to dispel shame, combat loneliness, and alchemize human connection.
Most of us are treading water. We might be back with families we haven’t lived with since we were 17, or spending 24/7 with children we’ve never cared for full full-time, or quarantined with our romantic partner, absent any of our usual letting-off-steam rituals, like work or the gym or matcha with friends or anything literally anything besides constant togetherness.
Humans probably haven’t related this month since agriculture was invented. But probably not even then. They had different tasks on the farm then. Homo sapiens probably haven’t related this much since cave-dwelling times. But perhaps not even then. Somebody had to hunt or forage. Somebody left the dwelling-place for hours at a time.
Compressed in our domiciles by the undeniable force and magnitude of this virus, we might very well be relating more, as a species, than at any time in human history. And if we are quarantining alone, we might be lonelier than ever before in our lives.
Much of our relating has become virtual. We have less kinesthetic & energetic cues, as a large part of our intimacy is mediating by electronic boxes.
We need stronger communication skills than ever before. We need a bigger toolbox. At last, I have something to offer the world that the world at large might finally recognize it needs.
During Seasons 1 and 2, I got horizontal with one guest at a time.
In Season 3, I’ve had mostly threesomes: myself plus two guests who are in some kind of relationship with one another. Typically, each recording is between two and three hours long, and divided into two parts — the part ones are available in all the podcast places for all the podcast people, and the part twos are available exclusively for my patrons.
This conversation was recorded over the course of five-ish hours. I’ll divide this conversation into four parts: the first two, episodes 104 & 105, will be available in all the podcast places, and the last two: episodes 106 & 107, will be exclusive to patrons of the horizontal arts.
This is my livelihood for the foreseeable future, so, to all of my current and future patrons:
Thank you for my subsistence,
and thank you for making the world a more intimate place.
In this and the following three episodes, I lie down with Eri Kardos and Jaymin Patel: world travelers, long-time digital nomads, co-parents of two young children, and American expats in Bali.
Friends of Mirelle, my housemate and guest of episode 1. feed your delight, Eri & Jay offered me one of their guest rooms in Ubud. I stayed in their home my first two weeks in Bali. Jaymin told me that in their years of travel, they’d been hosted by legions of people. So they were paying it forward. It was a soft place to land. I'm grateful for the lily pad.
Eri is a Relationship Coach (for busy professionals in both traditional and alternative relationships). She is a Public Speaker, and the author of the book Relationship Agreements: A Simple and Effective Guide for Strengthening Communication, Reducing Conflict, and Increasing Intimacy to Design Your Ideal Relationship.
Her new program, Beyond Mom-Mode, intends to nourish the nurturer.
Jaymin is a serial entrepreneur, serial author, Public Speaker, and creator of The Integrated Father. His new venture endeavors to guide men as they design a version of fatherhood that nourishes them, their relationships, their kids, their work, and their creativity.
Many of the parenting skills that Eri & Jay mention in our conversation are not just parenting skills, but parenting-ourselves skills. Human-ing skills. Relating skills.
In this, part one of our conversation, we told our comic-book-style origin stories.
Jaymin’s story (let’s call it “The Young Prince,” or, “Jaymin & the Quest for Authenticity”) involves a strict Indian family, sisters and aunties aplenty, bi-cultural identity, being a model Hindu and a very very very good boy, doing right by his parents, musical theatre, people-pleaser recovery, embracing his weird, Adlerian psych, and positive discipline.
Eri’s story (let’s call it “Ode to a Puerto Rican massage,” or, “Sunshine Likes Sex”) involves Polish Roman Catholic & Swedish Lutheran parents, 3 siblings, constant uprootings, dance, 5 or 6 baptisms, a vacation bible school, being a very very very good girl, backpacking across the world, youth hostel life, sex addiction worries, Christian counseling, one excellent Sugar Daddy, Seattle, sex-positivity, her longtime open relating partner Adam, and creating agile relationship agreements.
Come lie down with us in Ubud, Bali, Indonesia.