This is THE 100TH EPISODE OF horizontal!!!
Naturally, this one is a bit different than the others. In celebration, I am releasing a never-before-heard experimental episode, recorded on May 21st, 2019 — the 2 year anniversary of horizontal.
In every other episode, I lie down with one or two people at a time. In this special, I lie down with 9!
I gathered as many previous horizontal guests, patrons, and supporters as I could, and asked my boyfriend at the time to join us. We recorded at Hacienda Studio, the event space of Hacienda Villa, my intentional community. We had three beds and three microphones. None of us were sure how it would go. What would come up when the 9 of us tried to have one conversation?
In this episode, I lie down with:
Kristi Ann, spectacular dancer and movement artist, and my friend who, behind the scenes, has quietly helped me choose between the titles for my episodes.
Mirelle, horizontal’s very first guest! Resident of the Villa, my housemate and friend, and, as you may recall, a consummate connoisseur of delight.
Steve Dean, my friend the Superconnector, dating coach, dating industry consultant, and guest on episodes 82. 200 dating profiles, and 83. you do not have voting rights in this startup (relationship).
Jillian Richardson, creator of The Joy List, author of Unlonely Planet, and my most recent horizontal guest on episodes 98. withhelds & unsaids, and 99. indiana jones is my father.
This 100th episode interrupts my 4-episode arc with Jillian and Dennis, but they will be back next week, and the week after that, with episodes 101 & 102. Those episodes are available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts, so for more Jillian & Dennis, plus The Full Horizontal, which includes all the part twos (and in this case, threes and fours) going back to the beginning, become my patron on Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila — You’ll get all the independent, uncensored, sex-positive horizontality, and you’ll be a part of the mission that I share with Jillian: to make the world a less lonely, more intimate place.
Also in this episode, we lie down with:
Owen Muir, MD, my friend, is a child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist, half of the team behind Brooklyn Minds, and the audiophile who made the first season of horizontal possible, by somehow mixing & mastering every episode in the midst of fathering, psychiatrist-ing, and running a business that is changing the world of mental health.
Tiana & Orion, my dear friends, poly partners, leaders in the POC (Person of Color) kink community in New York City, and my guests on their own 4-episode arc, episodes 78. surprise surprise he liked black chicks, 79. not gonna be the abusive guy, 80. definition of a primary partner, & 81. sneak attack group sex. These are some of the episodes I am the proudest to have made, and I’m ever-grateful for their bravery and generosity.
Venus & Jason, who have been patrons of the podcast and delightful, avid participants in nearly every horizontal event I’ve produced, including the podcast launch pajama party, 14 Rooms (my immersive Valentine’s experience), The Art of Trust (my connection games workshop), and horizontal storytelling (a live recording of the quickies).
And Patrick, Engineer, fixer of things, fearless explorer of self… my ex-boyfriend.
In this episode, we do a round of “If you really knew me,” which is probably my favorite of all the intimacy games I lead, and then a round of Brags. We discuss the experiences that Jillian and I had with the man that we both dated, disassociation, novelty drive, feelings as puppies, healthy narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, emotions at 110%, opt-ins and opt-outs, normative dating behavior, and needing other minds to support us in not losing ours. Then we conclude with a round of gratitudes. This episode is unlike any other, because, with Owen present, we have the benefit of a psychiatrist’s insight.
Happy 100 episodes to meeeeeee! If you have any ideas for else I might celebrate, reach out through the @horizontalwithlila Instagram or on horizontalwithlila.com
This episode was recorded by Owen Muir, with mixing and mastering by Irving Gadhoury. Find Irving at IGrecording.com on the interwebs, to hire him for your Tri-State Area based audio needs. My cover art was created by Shana Shay, whom you can find on 99designs. And this episode features a remix of my original intro music by kidmental, an accapella beatbox musician. I first heard kid’s work on my favorite podcast, Ear Hustle, when he remixed their theme song. He creates theme songs for everyone, podcast or no, and you can snag one by becoming his patron on patreon.com/kidmental
Next week we’ll pick back up with Dennis & Jillian in episode 101, part three of our conversation. To gain access to part three, in which we delve into Jillian’s household growing up, that incident with the vibrator, Dennis’s high school work as a peer-to-peer Sex Educator, his biological brothers, the topography of our friendship lives, and how Dennis used to rely entirely on his long-term relationship to get his intimacy needs met — become a patron of the horizontal arts!
Until next time, dear ones, may you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. I’m looking forward to attending Samia’s anti-wedding, today! Samia, of episodes 59. i’m gonna fuck him forEVER and 60. consexual experiences, is getting married, wearing a skeleton catsuit. I’m gonna be their social media maven, so you better believe there’s gonna be loads of videos! Check my Instagram if you wanna see ‘em!
If you haven’t yet, do me the honor of clicking the Subscribe button in your podcast player of choice. It makes a difference in my world.
Thank you for listening. Thank you for inspiring me to make 100 episodes, and beyond. Thank you for getting horizontal.
And now come lie down with all of us in Bushwick, Brooklyn.
horizontal is Slow Radio about intimacies of all kinds. I think of it as consensual eavesdropping — we’re lying down, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.
In this, the second episode of a four-part series with those who consider themselves chosen brother and sister, I lie down with Jillian Richardson, creator of The Joy List and author of Unlonely Planet & her housemate Dennis E. Sarkozy, Lifestyle Designer and co-lead of Personal Development Nerds.
Each horizontal conversation is typically between 3 and 5 hours long. When it’s 3 hours long, it gets divided into two parts: part one is available to everyone in all the podcast places, and part two is available exclusively to my patrons. When the conversation goes for most of the night, like this one did, it gets divided into four parts: parts one and two are available to everyone, and parts three and four are available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.
In part one of this conversation, episode 98. withhelds & unsaids, Jillian and I cleared the air after our cancelled event, I shared how I feel about Dennis, and we talked about the difference between being drawn to someone and being attracted to them, The Touch Gauntlet, safeporting, and a distinction between sensual and sexual energy. Then, I made an erotic confession. One that’s still giving me a vulnerability hangover.
In this, part two, we discuss Dennis’s creative family tree, including Indiana Jones, his communal roots, and his mother’s indomitable matriarchal strength. We discuss his biological father who preferred not to be a father, the crush in kindergarten that lead to a bit of violence with a block, and his grade school infatuation with each of the girls in his class, in turn. We discuss passing the torch, becoming the patrons and matrons and caretakers of our families. Jillian presences that she’s feeling distant, and we grapple with my intentions for making our clearing part of the recording. We discuss having a good public image, the Wounded Healer syndrome, and the brief personal essay Jillian shares at the outset of every Joy List email, which often reveals something she is actively struggling with. And then Jillian shared the story of how she induced her parents to attend a 5-day family therapy retreat. I am in awe of it.
To listen to part three, in which we get into Jillian’s household growing up, that incident with the vibrator, Dennis’s high school work as a peer-to-peer Sex Educator, his relationship with his biological brothers, the topography of our friendship lives, and how Dennis used to rely entirely on his long-term relationship to get his intimacy needs met — for access to The Full Horizontal, including part three and four of this conversation, become a patron of the horizontal arts. Be a part of my mission to make the world a more intimate place, continuing to create independent, uncensored, sex-positive work by navigating to patreon.com/horizontalwithlila
This episode was mixed and mastered by Irving Gadoury. I highly recommend him for all your audio needs, including live shows! You can hire him on IGrecording.com . My cover art was created by Shana Shay, whose character illustrations you can find on 99 designs. And my intro music was composed by Alan Markley, on Instagram as plasticcannons.
If you haven’t yet hit the subscribe button in your podcast player of choice, would you do that? It makes a difference. Thanks!
This is episode 99, and since the next episode is 100, (100! Something to celebrate!) I may have a bit of a surprise experiment coming next week… or maybe just a surprise. I'm not sure.
But until next time: May you have someone to love (I’m especially wishing that for myself right now). May you have something to do. And may you have at least one thing to look forward to.
I’m looking forward to Samia’s wedding! Can you believe it? Samia, of episodes 59. i’m gonna fuck him forEVER and 60. consexual experiences, is getting married to a man on November 19th. The theme of her wedding is death and rebirth. She is wearing a skeleton catsuit, to the great chagrin of her mom. I can’t wait. There will be photos.
Thank you for listening. Thank you for getting horizontal.
And now, come lie down with us again in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
I love snuggling, sleepovers, storytelling, sex, and stargazing, among other things. So I’ve metaphorically rolled them up in audio form and made you this podcast. Horizontal is Slow Radio. We’re lying down (usually late at night) wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears. It’s like consensual eavesdropping.
During Seasons 1 and 2, I got horizontal with one guest at a time. This is Season 3. Season 3 is mostly comprised of threesomes: myself plus two guests in some kind of relationship with one another. The relationships we’ve explored so far are manager/client, play party co-hosts, men’s group leaders, primary poly partners, monogamous married (soul)mates, and a couple of Wizard friends.
Typically, each horizontal conversation is between two and three hours long, and divided into two parts — the part ones are available in all the podcast places, and the part twos are available exclusively for my patrons.
This horizontal conversation took place over the course of five hours. I’ll be dividing it into four parts: the first two: episodes 98 & 99, will be available in all the podcast places, and the last two will be available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.
To become a patron, go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila — at the $7/month tier, you get access to The Full Horizontal, including all the part twos (in this case, threes and fours). You have to click the link or type the exact address into your search engine, because “adult” creators are made unsearchable on Patreon.
I am more committed than ever to independent, uncensored, sex-positive art that makes the world a more intimate place. You can be part of my mission on patreon.com/horizontalwithlila.
In this episode, I lie down with my friend Jillian Richardson, anti-loneliness crusader, creator of The Joy List, author of Unlonely Planet, and Dennis, Lifestyle Designer, co-lead of Personal Development Nerds, her housemate, her chosen family, her brother.
Jillian and I share a mission: to make the world a less lonely, more intimate place. She is a kindred in public vulnerability. A gatherer. A connector.
Jillian is in the business of belonging. It is such important work. Soul-saving work. The Joy List is a weekly compendium of events in New York City that you can go to alone, and leave with a new friend. It is one of the few newsletters that I read every week without fail. I suggest that you sign up for The Joy List on joylist.nyc and follow joylistnyc on social media, even if you don’t live in New York.
In each edition of The Joy List, Jillian shares a brief personal essay about something she’s grappling with, or breaking through. She does this because she’s as committed to authentic communication as I am. She doesn’t want to purport that she has it all figured out. I respect that so much. And even so, I sometimes find myself feeling envious — of her productivity, her diligence, her powerful mission-focus, her myriad invitations, and the adoration of her peers, her audience, and pretty much everyone who comes across her work.
What I really want to do with my envy is connect, understand, motivate, collaborate… and lift each other up. Jillian once said that she felt like we were this GIF of women’s hands continually lifting each other up, over and over and over. And that, I am committed to.
Unlonely Planet: how healthy congregations can save the world is her heart-full book about seeking, curating, and creating the kinds of communities that truly nourish us. I have five words for it:
Buy.
Read.
Gather.
Nourish.
Love.
You can find it, of course, in the Amazon.
Jillian & Dennis have been living together with their other two housemates in mini-community for two years.
Dennis is a curator of many kinds. He designs Community & Wellness strategies for large corporations, experiences for multiple groups in New York City, and events for his beloved Personal Development Nerds (PDN for short). Jillian describes him as the most extroverted person she knows.
PDN was one of Jillian’s first communities in New York (but it’s not where they met — you’ll get that story in a later episode). It’s a gathering of lifelong learners, co-lead by Dennis & Juvoni. Their Main Events consist of brief lectures and breakout conversations. Members are encouraged to bring in their works-in-progress, their nascent presentations, their burgeoning projects, their early iterations — to experiment, and activate, to give and receive feedback. They stand for each other’s growth.
And that is the sense I get from Dennis. Dennis stands for everyone’s growth. He stands for potential, and for possibilities. You can find him @desarkozy on Instagram.
In this, the first episode of our four-part conversation, I clear the air with Jillian after our cancelled sleepover event. I also express how I feel about Dennis. We discuss the difference between being drawn to and being attracted to, the difference between sexual and sensual energy, The Touch Gauntlet, an inner tickle, safeporting... and I share a sexual fantasy that I’m pretty sure is gonna make Jillian uncomfortable.
Come lie down with us for the first time, in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.