This conversation is not like the others. It's still Slow Radio. It's still a conversation about intimacies of all kinds. But this time, to close out Season Two, this time we recorded while sitting relatively upright, because my guest, is my Dad.

We recorded about a year ago, sitting on a somewhat noisy leather couch sectional, in a house that’s perpetually under construction, because my father loves the process of things.

My father’s name is Anthony, but he’s Anthony only to the family, and Tony to his friends. He’s always been “Dad” to me. He was born in Boro Park — at the time a half-Italian, half-Orthodox neighborhood in Brooklyn, New York. It’s also where I was born. He almost became a priest, but become a child psychologist instead. I suppose he would have ministered to souls either way. As far back as I can remember, my father’s greatest love has been carpentry. The house I grew up had a garage that functioned exclusively as my dad’s woodshop. I didn’t share my father’s fascination with building things, but to this day, I love the smell of sawdust, and have a great warm respect for those who craft with their hands.

My Dad’s a Catholic. I am not. The story goes: my parents gave me the choice between Hebrew School and Sunday School, and I chose neither. They didn’t force me to go. As a teenager, I became a Unitarian Universalist. My Dad has always respected my choices and approved of me.

After the age of 12, when my parents got divorced, I didn’t live with my father. My mother moved us down to Florida, and my father stayed in New York. In this conversation, I ask him questions I had never questioned before.

When I was 17, and I moved back to New York to go to college at NYU, my father moved me in and out of the dorms. He came to every play and avant-garde piece I did in college (like the Antigone I did in the fountain at Washington Square Park), and for many years thereafter. He has been free with his affirmation, and has always supported any choice that I enthusiastically made for my life. While my mother questioned the prudence of studying theatre in college, and threatened to pull her support if I persisted, my Dad said that he would support me to the best of his ability. He approved when I wanted to become a yoga teacher. He approved when I wanted to become an AcroYoga teacher. He approved when I wanted to dance Argentine tango in Buenos Aires. He said yes when I asked him to loan me his car for two months in the summer of 2008 to make my first cross-country road trip, teaching AcroYoga all along the way. He didn't mind that I put 10,000 miles on it. He approved when I decided to move to Portland. He approved when I had a Saturn Return crisis and all I wanted to do was travel for a year. He received me when I burned out 9 months into that year and spent a couple of months at my mom’s place, and then flew up to stay a cold winter in his fixer-upper house with him, stacking firewood and nursing myself back to adulthood. He approved when I told him that I lived in a sex-positive intentional community whose mission is to eradicate shame and encourage freedom of expression. He approved when I started a podcast, even though I’m broadcasting my secrets out into the universe, and he is a very private person. And, though a private person, he agreed the moment I asked him to make an episode with me, even though he has no interest in being recorded anywhere else. You see, he still has the capacity to surprise me. But maybe it's exactly true to character. Because this*is my* project. And my father has always, always supported what I mean to do in the world.

So you see, my father has been easy to love.

In this episode, the first part of our conversation, we talk about his father, a grandfather I never met, also named Tony: who battled with the prejudice against Italians, beat his kids with a machine strap, gave a eulogy in Harlem, never told my Dad that he loved him, and raped at least one of his daughters. My father broke the cycle of abuse. It only takes one generation to break a cycle, and that generation can be yours.

We also talk about why my father decided to go to seminary, the ad hoc sex ed that he got by asking priests, and why he decided not to be ordained (it's probably not what you think. At least, it's not what I thought.)

Dad regularly goes on tangents, so we meander a lot here, even more than usual, and there’s a lot of reminiscing. He also uses the word “whatnot” more than anyone I’ve ever heard. Actually, I can't recall hearing anyone else use the word “whatnot.”

***

In just a few weeks, I’ll be transitioning to a very different Patreon model and streamlining my tiers. The lowest tier will be $20 / month, and will give access to x unreleased, raw episodes (with never-before-heard guests) plus other choice, what do the kids call it these days? Premium content.

If you want to be grandfathered in with access to The Full Horizontal, all the part twos at $5, $10 (which includes the monthly love poems), or $15 per month (which includes a ticket to a live event), now is the time to become a patron of the horizontal arts! Go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila, if you want to be a part of my mission to cultivate intimacy across the globe.

This is the best conversation I’ve ever had with my Dad in my life. And I had it, because I was making something for you.

So: come sit down with us.

***

Chad Michael Snavely is my editor. He’s a podcast maven. Find his full roster on chadmichael.com. Alan Markley composed my intro music. Seek him on Instagram as plasticcannons. Shana Shay created my cover art. Hire her for graphic design and character illustration on 99 Designs.

This episode comes with a call to action: If they are alive, accessible to you, and you are willing and curious — interview your parents. You don’t how many chances you’ll get. And if you never recorded them, you might wish you did.

In next week's episode, the second half of my conversation with my Dad, we discuss how he met and married my mother in Brazil, the day of my birth, forgiveness, feminist vs. mainstream pornography, how my mother left my father, why my Dad didn’t move to Florida to be close to me, how he feels about the fact that I don’t want kids, and the kind of partner that he seeks now. He also tells me a story about my Grammy and a radio agent. For access to that episode and all the part twos, become a patron of the horizontal arts now, before the tiers go up in a few weeks! Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

Until next week, may you have someone to love, something to do, and many many many things to look forward to!

Thank you for being, in this case, relatively upright, with us.

My name is Lila, and I love sleepovers, spooning, sharing, storytelling, sex, and stargazing, among other things. So I metaphorically rolled them up in audio form and called it a podcast. Horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. It’s intimacies of all kinds. It’s consensual eavesdropping. It’s us lying down right next to each other, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.

Each horizontal session with a guest is between 2 and 3ish hours long, and divided into two episodes. Part ones, like this one, are available anywhere you get your podcasts, and part twos are available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.

As you might imagine, the part twos go deep, since we’ve been marinating in conversation for over an hour. And at the very very end, my guest tells me a story of some intimacy. For access to The Full Horizontal,go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila, and become a patron of $5 or more per month, because...

Fair warning, horizontal lovers!

When I launch Season 3, (and it is happening Soon) I’ll be shifting some things, revealing a couple of surprises, and revamping my Patreon tiers: If you’ve already become a patron, you’ll be grandfathered in with access to all the episodes and my gratitude for being an early listener.

In this episode, recorded in a slender little apartment in Brooklyn, New York, I lie down with Lee. Lee is a Pleasure Guide: a Tantrika, a Bodyworker, an Intimacy Coach. She’s a Sensuality specialist.

I first met Lee when she was working with a friend of mine at The Women of Venus (which you’ll hear about in part two, episode 71). I’ve been trying to get her to move in with us at Hacienda Villa for about a year now.

When I’m around Lee, I feel warm and grounded. She is exceptionally supportive and clear-eyed, at the same time. Her belief in the version of me that I love the most, my favorite self, and my potential to embody that self and act beautifully on the world is like … an amulet that she has made by hand. She has her finger on the pulse of the Great Mystery, without being a prig about it. She’s a girl’s girl, a woman’s woman, with a generous dash of humility, and a fierce commitment to stand for her own growth, and for yours.

For all of the information about Lee’s Intimacy and Pleasure Coaching practice, find her on LeeNoto.com 

This episode was recorded in Lee’s bed, in another part of Brooklyn, and though you are spared the trains screeching around the bend like they do when I record in my room, there’s a few sonic visitors: an old heating unit, a creaky ceiling that is someone else’s floor, some pretty raucous neighbors, and… a plane or two. City living. Local color.

In this part of our conversation, we talk about slow-going sex and celibacy, plant medicine journeys and masturbation, objectifying yourself and faking orgasms, promiscuity as rebellious self-expression, pushing buttons just to know what they’re for, the glorious practice of bragging, a Tiger Mom, and driving herself to perfection so hard that her face paralyzed itself to get her attention.

To see pictures from this recording session, and get behind-the-scenes access to horizontality and my sex-positive life, follow @horizontalwithlila on Instagram, and sign up for my missives on horizontalwithlila.com

And now, come lie down with not one, but two recovering perfectionists, in Brooklyn, New York.

***

Let me give some credit where credit is due: Chad Michael Snavely is my editor. He’s a podcast maven, and you can find his full roster on chadmichael.com. Alan Markley composed my intro music, and his exploits can be witnessed on Instagram as plasticcannons. Shana Shay created my cover art, and you can hire her for graphic design and character illustration on 99 Designs.

In next week’s episode of horizontal, the second part of my conversation with Lee, episode 71, we discuss intentional masturbation, receiving oral sex, fantasies of auto-cunnilingus, giving yourself what you wish for a partner to give you, the indefinable mystery of tantra, red tantra, white tantra, urban tantra, a tantric temple called The Women of Venus, Mama Gena’s practices of Trinities, Swamping, and Spring Cleaning...

And Lee & I do something unprecedented on the podcast, something I’ve never heard recorded anywhere else: we each do a Spring Clean on a topic we’re struggling with in real time, stream of consciousness style, and entirely unedited. I feel a little bit nervous to share it, actually, but that’s when I know I have something really worthwhile to reveal.

Next week’s installment is available exclusively to my beloved patrons of the horizontal arts. Become one and get access to The Full Horizontal catalog on Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

On Saturday, March 16th, Lee is curating an event called Eating Out: an Erotic Feast inspired by oral sex. She calls it an Edible Education. For all the details, visit her at LeeNoto.com and sign up for her mailing list.

On Thursday, March 28th, I’m leading The Art of Trust: an Intimacy Games Workshop. If you’ve seen any of the shots from my Intimacy Warriors photoshoots, you might have an inkling of what this workshop will be like. We’ll play games like Sphinx, Hot Seat, Human Conveyor Belt, and the Touch Gauntlet. Details coming soon.

Until next week, may you have someone to love, something to do, and many things to look forward to!

Thank you for getting horizontal.