Welcome to horizontal, the podcast about intimacy of all kinds. It’s recorded while the opposite of vertical, but you probably know that.
This episode was recorded in October, 2017, on horizontal does america, my 10,000 mile cross-country road trip and recording tour. Through a series of fortunate events which I will call “six laughable fortuities,” in honor of Milan Kundera, I wound up at the house of Dr. Lindsey Doe in Missoula, Montana. And Stevie was there. (Go back and listen to the intro of episode 40: sexplanations, for the full story.) Stevie, like Dr. Doe, is a huge ginormous YouTube star, but they both somehow agreed to put on robes, lie down with a stranger and record a spontaneous podcast.
Stevie Boebi is the creator and host of the first Lesbian Sex Ed video series. She’s also a cat mom. (They make special guest appearances in her videos, including one in which she slightly annoys them for our amusement.)
Stevie... is gorgeous. She has long purple hair. And luscious lips. And a thousand watt smile. And pretty vivacious eyebrows. Detect you some admiration? Indeed. Indeed you do. She’s also hilarious, charming, winsome, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and passionate about dismantling stereotypes, questioning identity politics, and teaching fact-based sex ed. As opposed to the other kind. Which exists in myriad forms, to our great chagrin.
Her full-on commitment to these topics is evinced by her (also ginormous) lexicon of YouTube videos with titles such as, “Lesbian Third Wheel,” “Can Lesbians do butt stuff?” “How to Survive a Breakup,” and “Gay Men Touched my Vagina for the First Time: Q&A and Afterthoughts.” (By the way, I definitely watched - and enjoyed - the “Gay Men Touch Vagina for the First Time” video before I met Stevie and only realized that she was the vagina model when I went to write this intro!) Just to be uber clear though, a vagina refers to the internal anatomy of a pussy, and vulva refers to the external anatomy, so, unless they were fingering her (which it seems like one of them may have been?) they were actually touching: a vulva.
I suggest you fire up her YouTube channel when you wanna go down a rabbithole of loveliness, humor, pussy, and kickass straightforward tell-it-like-it-should-be sex ed. You can find her under Stevie Boebi on Twitter and Instagram, and just plain Stevie on YouTube.
In the first part of our conversation, we talk about getting punished for telling someone what a blow job is, her first girlfriend, daddy issues, the film festival premiere of her “how to eat pussy” video, being bi-romantic, repressed memories, molestation, a two-person game of Spin the Bottle, and the Love Feast.
Come lie down with us! You’re already lying down? Oh good.
Credits!
All of season two is edited by Chad Michael Snavely. He’s got lots of other podcasts on his plate, too. Check them out on ChadMichael.com. The nicest rock star on the planet, Alan Markley, created my intro music. He’s plastic cannons on the Instagram. The lovely little me-drawing (complete with painted toenails!) on my cover art was designed by Shana Shay. Find her on 99 designs. Hire these people if you can!
Tune in next week on horizontal for the second part of my conversation with Stevie, in which I tell her the story of my great unicorn threesome.
Horizontal is the podcast about intimacy that’s recorded while lying down. Wearing robes.
This episode was recorded on my horizontal does america tour, in October 2017. For two months, I circumnavigated the U.S. in a little blue Honda Civic. It was 10,000 solo miles of adventure with two intentions. 1) to feel free, and 2) to record with as many fascinating people as possible.
I knew that I wanted to go to Montana. I’d missed the entire state on my first cross-country road trip, in 2009. A friend said, “Go to Missoula!” By the grace of my friends, go I. So. I went.
How I came to be horizontal with Dr. Lindsey Doe goes like this: I drove the 6 hours from Billings to Missoula and arrived in a pile of yellow leaves next to a Ghetto Gypsy bus. (That’s what it said on the front.) I didn’t have a plan for Missoula. I didn’t know anyone who lived there or have any recordings lined up or really anything specific in mind at all. I just wanted to see Big Sky Country. After 4 years of living in a room at the Villa the size of a postage stamp, so small that I had to loft my bed in order to turn around, I longed to feel spaciousness. I still long for that.
I drove in around dinnertime and strolled into a clothing shop next to an extremely happening biergarten. A place of microbrews. It felt like Portland. I drink no beers, because of the glutens, but I thought, “Ach! My people!” The next day I went to a yoga class and the instructor gave me a 15-minute walking tour of downtown Missoula. He left me on a street full of local shops. I poked around a store called “Upcycle,” where everything is made out of something that used to be something else. Donovan, the proprietor, was sweet and chatty and we got to talking podcasts. He listens to them as he crafts. It’s his thing. I told him about horizontal, how I’m finally making my own thing and actually putting it out into the world, how I’m actually making good on my mission to cultivate intimacy, seven years after my revelation that this is my thing.
“Oh,” he said. “Are you here to interview my friend Lindsey Doe?”
“No,” I replied, “But I’d like to be!” I only half-recognized the name, but I had a good feeling about this.
Lindsey, or Dr. Doe, is the creator of the wildly popular YouTube series Sexplanations, a doctor of Human Sexuality, and a certified clinical sexologist. She’s the sex ed teacher you never had. She’s the sex ed teacher you wish you’d had in high school. She’s the sex ed teacher you wish you had in middle school! She’s direct and clear, playful and enthusiastic. She’s matter-of-fact, but fun about it, like a medical doctor who gets excited about “cool anatomy.” She’s brilliant at breaking things down in a way we can all understand, without talking down to us, and imbuing it all with a certain kind of Hermione-like, academic, striped-sweater sort of cheerfulness that I find entirely refreshing. In that way, she reminds me of one of my favorite educators of all time, my high school Art History teacher, David Bewley, who would practically dance about while teaching on particularly exciting eras like the Renaissance, and create helpful acronyms like DIC, D.I.C., in order to help us remember the order in which columns were invented — as you can hear, I still remember. (Doric, Ionic, Corinthian)
Lindsey gave Donovan permission to give me her phone number. I texted straightaway. When I didn’t hear back the whole evening, I chalked it up. Figured it was too last minute. Sometimes my spontaneity works in my favor and sometimes, not so much.
I decided to drive up to Glacier National Park the next day, because it was the answer to the question, “What is the most breathtaking place in Montana?” I figured that I’d head across Idaho from there. I treated myself to a hotel in Whitefish, a fancy little ski town, because I was too tired to make it to Idaho that night.
The following afternoon, determined to hit a hot springs on the way, I set my course for Quinn’s. As I was poking around the shops in Whitefish, and buying myself a plaid shirt because I was in Montana so it felt important, the yoga teacher from Missoula messaged to say that I shouldn’t go to Quinn’s because it’s man-made. He told me to go to Jerry Johnson Hot Springs instead. Okay, then. I changed course.
The Maps app routed me back through Missoula.
Forty-five minutes north of Missoula, I got a message from Lindsey Doe asking if she’d missed me! And also, “what is it you’re doing again? What’s this with the robes?” She sounded highly skeptical and yet game at the same time. I felt vaguely worried that she wouldn’t like me. “Stevie Boebi‘s in town right now, too. She’s the go-to YouTuber on lesbian sex. Would you want to record an episode with her?”
YES.
“Okay, I’ll see if she’s interested.”
I drove to Lindsey’s house straightaway, listening to her YouTube videos en route. I arrived back in Missoula after sunset, and recorded these episodes, back-to-back. And that, is the story of how Lindsey Doe came on the podcast.
We have so much to learn from her. In the first part of our episode, we talk about body hair, strong jawlines, Puritan sexuality, cognitive dissonance, the real definition of intercourse, anal sex, puckering, and happy trails. Come lie down with us.
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If you are educated by this work, become a part of it through Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila - if you aren't familiar with it, Patreon is a life changer for independent artists with the desire to make lawless, uncensored, and undiluted work. It allows each of you to become a patron of the horizontal arts, and to gain access in various ways to this process of spreading intimacy. You can become a patron at the base level for $2 a month, and the awards get more sumptuous as you offer more!
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Credits!
All the episodes in season two have been edited by Chad Michael Snavely. Peruse his roster of podcasts on ChadMichael.com. My intro music was created by the nicest rock star on the planet, Alan Markley, plastic cannons on the Instagram. My lovely cover art was drawn by Shana Shay. Find her on 99 designs. Hire these people if you can.
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Until next week, when Dr. Doe and I discuss the Tinder game, sexual disgust, mate pools, and demisexuality, as well as the matching hypothesis, the t-shirt experiment, chemistry, poly-tana, and sushi on naked bodies… may you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.
This is a special edition of horizontal, the podcast that takes you into my bed and lets your ears watch as I unzip intimate conversations. horizontal aims to dispel shame, diminish loneliness, and cultivate connections.
This conversation was recorded last week at Hacienda Villa, the intentional community and center for sex education in Bushwick, Brooklyn: my home. In this episode, I lie down with Madison Young. Madison is a performance artist, an author, a sex educator, and a feminist pornographer.
Last week, Hacienda Studio, our event space, hosted three performances of Madison Young’s one-woman show Reveal All Fear Nothing. It is literally like nothing else I’ve ever seen. Reveal All demystifies, illuminates, and celebrates the often-misunderstood worlds of kink, porn, and BDSM, through the words and body of an insider.
It is important work. It needs to be seen. And it needs to be seen by you. I don’t want to reveal too much for her, because you should watch her reveal it yourself, but I must tell you this: I haven’t even seen my own g-spot yet… but I’ve seen Madison’s.
Did you even know that was possible?
You could say, quite accurately, that I was moved. In so many ways. Throughout the night, I laughed, I danced, I gasped, my heart hurt, I ran upstairs during intermission and gave my date a blow job … I cheered, and I was left with this liquid pool of gratitude at the astonishing generosity with which Madison has crafted this piece. She made us a gift. Go enjoy it!
Madison will be performing THIS WEEKEND in a two-night-only limited engagement at The Tank in Midtown Manhattan on Friday the 8th and Saturday of the 9th of June, 2018. Make it your mission to be there. You can get your tickets on RevealAllFearNothing.com - There is radical sexual healing to be had, merely by being a witness to this work.
In the first half of our episode, we talk about Madison’s memoir, titled “Daddy,” saturations, rainbow unicorn bondage, self-aftercare, how a porn star prepares, and the petition that stopped Madison from going to church.
And now you can do something that legions of fans have only dreamed of. You can come lie down with us.
***
If you are moved by this work, become a part of it through Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila — if you aren't familiar with it, Patreon is a life changer for independent artists with the desire to make lawless, uncensored, and undilutedwork. It allows each of you to become a patron of the horizontal arts, and to gain access in various ways to this process of spreading intimacy. You can become a patron at the base level for $2 a month, and the awards get more sumptuous as you offer more!
***
Credits!
Time for some credit. This episode was edited by Chad Michael Snavely, podcast maven. Check out his entire roster by heading to ChadMichael.com. My lovely intro music was created by the nicest rock star in the world, Alan Markley. He's on Instagram as plastic cannons. The horizontal cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay, and her playful, sensual work can be found on 99 designs.
This is horizontal, the podcast about sex, love, and relationships of all kinds, recorded while lying down. On horizontal, we make our private conversations public, for their shame-dispelling, loneliness-diminishing, and connection-cultivating properties. As listener ghostheart put it in their silver-tongued review, this is the podcast that takes you into my bed and lets your ears watch as I unzip intimate conversations.
In the second part of this episode, recorded in early October on my horizontal does america road trip, I lie down with Kennedy in Omaha, Nebraska. Horizontal does america was a 2-month long, 10,700 mile road trip and recording tour that I enjoyed during October and November of 2017. I miss being on the road!
Kennedy is the young wife of my college friend, Thom. The last time I visited Thom was on my first cross country road trip, in 2009. He was single and frustrated and working as a bartender. Now, he has a two year old, a house, a truly delightful wife, and he teaches carpentry at a magnet high school. It’s like seeing the end of a movie where you were really rooting for the tortured underdog hero, and then you get to see the movie after the credits, where the character makes a life out of what he’s always wanted. I’m so happy that he’s happy.
At 20 years old, Kennedy is a mother, a college student, a giver of care, a seeker, a brave and humble warrior. She is a survivor of sexual assault who would prefer not to use the words “victim,” “assault,” or “survivor.” She doesn't wish to identify with victimhood, or run the risk of people seeing that as her whole identity.
This is a prime example of a great sickness in our society, that a woman who is harmed, is likely to be blamed for having been harmed, and then further judged and blamed for using the term “victim” to accurately describe the role forced upon her by sexual assault. I am appalled and deeply saddened that Kennedy should even had to worry about this. It’s only a small part of the story of Kennedy - but it is a part of that story. And we know that silence doesn't help. We know that silence and secrecy have caused women to suffer more egregiously than their wounds ever necessitated. We know that silence and secrecy has kept many of us from receiving proper treatment for trauma. We know that silence and secrecy degrades our mental health. We don't want this to happen anymore. Not to any girls. Not to any women. Not to any trans folx. Not to any. One.
We want freedom. We want the liberty to express our sexuality in any way that feels right and meaningful and joyous to us. We want the liberty to love and fuck and marry whomever we wish to love and fuck, and marry, whenever we wish to love and fuck and marry them. We have the right to speak aloud about the things that have happened to us. To paraphrase the writer Anne Lamott, and I think about his all the time, “If they wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”
My wish for us: is that we continue, unabashedly, to put forth our own stories in the hopes that others may not need to live in shame. I am deeply honored by the generosity required for Kennedy to share her vulnerability with me, and by extension, with all of you. I hope you feel it, and you honor her for it, too.
In the first part of our episode, titled "you can make a human: horizontal with a young mother," we discussed topics that have never before been broached on the podcast — placenta fajitas, childbirth and misogyny, bodily fluids, being a young mother, and marrying a 36 year-old at 18
In this second half of the episode, we discuss sexual assault — I name it that, because that is its name. We also talk about victim-blaming and slut-shaming, trauma, comforting boys, the seven-year itch, sharing your partner, and the desexualization of mothers. Then Kennedy tells me a story about the first time she kissed a girl.
I’m pretty sure you want to lie down with us.
***
If you are moved by this work, become a part of it through Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila — if you aren't familiar with it, Patreon is a life changer for independent artists with the desire to make lawless, uncensored, and undilutedwork. It allows each of you to become a patron of the horizontal arts, and to gain access in various ways to this process of spreading intimacy. You can become a patron at the base level for $2 a month, and the awards get more sumptuous as you offer more!
***
Credits!
Time for some credit. This episode was edited by Chad Michael Snavely, podcast maven. Check out his entire roster by heading to ChadMichael.com. My lovely intro music was created by the nicest rock star in the world, Alan Markley. He's on Instagram as plastic cannons. The horizontal cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay, and her playful, sensual work can be found on 99 designs.