This episode is a little different than the others. It’s a quickie.

If you’ve been listening to horizontal, you know that: at the end of every conversation with a guest, I ask them to tell me a story. Each full conversation is between two and three hours long. It gets divided into two parts and released as two episodes. Part ones are available to everyone in all the podcast places. Part twos are available exclusively to my patrons through Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila. Sign up there for access to The Full Horizontal.

Naturally, our conversations get deeper and deeper as my guest and I drop in together. So when, at the very end of those part twos my guest tells me a tale, (except in the case of Annie Lalla, because we ran out of time!) it is a tale of intimacy of some kind. Any kind. It can be about friendships, lovers, family. It has been about being carried down a mountain on the back of a hunky guide, a literal and figurative friend death, the first time ejaculating where stuff came out, a big fat freaky wedding, and a miscarriage, among many, many other things. I always tell my guest that it can be any story that falls under the umbrella of intimacy, with any kind of tone or outcome, as long as it’s a story that they truly desire to tell it to me.

This quickie episode (which consists of three little stories, rather than one big one) was recorded live at my last Horizontal Storytelling Pajama Party, which was held at Hacienda Studio in Brooklyn. At Horizontal Storytelling, we all donned pajamas, had milk and cookies, got exceedingly cozy,  and curled up together, all 50 of us, to listen to just the stories, back to back, by six storytellers, one after the other. I got horizontal with my guest just like we do when we record a full episode, wearing robes, sharing a pillow, microphone positioned above us, gazing upward as though stargazing, or post-coital, or the wee-morning hours of a really good sleepover. I’m planning to host another one (or something like it) in the Spring of 2019, so make sure you’re on the mailing list through horizontalwithlila.com and all the details shall come!

In this quickie I get horizontal with Kenneth Play, my friend, my housemate, and world-renowned Sex Hacker, Sex Coach, Sex Educator, and co-founder of Hacienda Villa, the intentional community in which I live and love, and where I am a founding member. We’ve been living in the same house for four and half years. I introduce him quite fully in the episode, so I’ll just say here that I have been privileged to live in the same house as a Master of Sex. Kenneth taught me how to verbalize specifically the kind of oral sex that I desire. He taught me how to insert and operate my nJoy pure wand dildo. He also taught me the most nourishing technique I've ever come across for grounding with my lover after sex.

And now he's gathered all these tips, tricks, and techniques from his teachers — some of the greatest sex educators and coaches and tantra masters alive — as well as from hours upon hours of, let's call it "laboratory practice," and distilled them into a Sex Ed video series that is accessible to everyone. It focuses on giving pleasure to women and those with vulvas and consists of The Oral Course, The Squirting Course, The Penetration Course, & the Sex Hacker Bundle

This quickie was edited by Mr. Chad Michael Snavely, bearded man, podcast impresario. His roster is available on chadmichael.com. My sensual cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay based on my photograph. Hire this woman through 99 designs. And my intro music was composed by Alan Markley, rock star, and plasticcannons on Instagram.

Speaking of Instagram. Feel free to reach out to me there if you have any questions, ideas for dream guests, or musings spurred by any of the episodes. It’s lovely to know that you’re listening, and pondering.

And if you want access to The Full Horizontal, right now you can still get that when you become a patron of $5 a month and up. Very soon, I’ll be launching Season 3, and with it, I’ll be streamlining my tiers and raising the bar for patronage. But if you lock it in now, baby, you’ll be grandfathered in, with my gratitude for being an early patron of the horizontal arts. I have big dreams, and every single patron helps me happen them. Patreon.com/ horizontalwithlila

In other words, come lie down with us, in Bushwick, Brooklyn.

I love sleepovers, spooning, sharing, sex, storytelling, and stargazing, among other things. So I metaphorically rolled them all up in audio form and called it a podcast. horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. It’s intimacies of all kinds. It’s us lying down, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.

Each session with a guest is between 2 and 3 hours long, and divided into two episodes. Part ones are available anywhere you get your podcasts, and part twos are available only to patrons of the horizontal arts. Become a patron of $5+ per month soon, because...

When I launch Season 3, I’ll be shifting some things, revealing a couple surprises, and revamping my Patreon tiers: If you’re already in as a patron, you’ll be grandfathered in with access to all the episodes at the 5 - 15 dollar level. Fair warning, lovers!

***

This Thursday night in Brooklyn, come Valentine’s with us!

Valentine's Day is in less than a week, and I would usually be fretting about what to do.

This was especially true if I was single, but it was also very much true when I was part of a couple. What could I do that wouldn't have me feeling lonely? How could I turn this day of forced romance and commerce and couples privilege... into a day that would actually be nourishing for Me?

I tried dating myself on Valentine's. I tried friend-time. I tried tango festivals. I tried Galentine’s Day.

But what I actually desired was an intimate, pleasure-focused experience for myself. I desired sensation play, delicious treats (that were safe for me to eat), titillating performance, immersive theatre, and one-on-one connection. I really wanted to make Valentine's day about delighting all of my senses, not about the arbitrary fact of whether I was romantically linked to another person on that day.

So I’m curating it.

It's called 14 Rooms, and it will be on Valentine’s night. It’s an event for everyone, whether you’re not in a relationship, in a relationship, in a polycule, in a situationship — no matter what our quote unquote status is, we can gather and explore intimate moments of different kinds.

Together. As a community celebrating pleasure, our senses, and our aliveness. Celebrating Big Love.

Come Valentine's with us. It will be delicious.

It's the Valentine's I've always wanted.

P.S. 

If you’re short on funds but full of enthusiasm, send me a message through horizontalwithlila.com or Instagram to see about a possible volunteer shift.

***

Apropos of everything - in this episode, I lie down with Annie Lalla, Goddess of Love and world-class relationship coach. Annie stands for true love. She is a gladiator of empathy.

In this first part of our conversation, we talk about the correlation between self-esteem and soul mates, how couples cross-train each other, footnoting our parents for the superpowers born on the back of their crazy, optimizing for aliveness, empathy algorithms, integration and differentiation (the inhales and exhales of relationship), the phrase “I’m angry, but I love you more than I’m angry,” and using your creativity to adjust your emotional response to your reality.

I first met Annie when she gave a talk about true love in the Speaker Series I co-lead at Burning Man 2018. The theme was The Year of the Robot, and we had... technical difficulties. The mic was down, so somebody found Annie a little toy bullhorn, and we all gathered round her like children at storytime, to press our burning questions into her hands like love letters. She is one of the most poignant extemporaneous speakers that I’ve ever witnessed on stage.

I took copious notes, because I’d literally never heard anybody speak about love the way that Annie does. These are some of the words I captured:

“cartographer of love”

“kilojewels of energy”

“There’s an I that has to be sacrificed on the altar of us. If you’re not feeling terror, you’re not actually playing the game.”

“the sacred mirror”

And

“Nothing compares to the gymnasium, to the dojo of a true love relationship.”

I imagine by now, you know how I feel about words. I savored Annie’s words, wrote them down in red ink, and fervently hoped that she would get horizontal with me someday. The time wasn’t right at Burning Man.

But when I booked my ticket to Miami, taking a loving risk to go meet a man I’d been communicating with for four months, but had never met in person (a risk I imagined that Annie would approve of mightily) and I found out that Annie was in Miami!

Well!

Come lie down with us on a big white bed with a view of the ocean, in Miami, Florida.

***

For horizontal photos and behind-the-scenes videos (like the one I took of Annie’s glorious red carpet ocean-view apartment), follow @horizontalwithlila on Instagram. I’ve been getting reallly into Instagram lately, and I have a cache of colorful photos to share.

If you are in need of the services of a Love Coach (and really, who isn’t?) you can commune with all things Annie through annielalla.com

This episode was edited by Mr. Chad Michael Snavely, bearded man, father, and podcast impresario. Have a peek through his roster on chadmichael.com. The character illustration and graphic design for my cover art was drawn by Shana Shay. Look her up on 99Designs. And my sweet intro music was composed by Alan Markley, rock star father and @plasticcannons on Instagram.

Next week’s episode, 68, part two of my conversation with Annie, will be available to patrons of $5 a month and up. The Patreon tiers will change in the next month or so, so lock in access to The Full Horizontal at the grandfathered rate by becoming a patron now! Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

Welcome to my newest patrons, Bob & Lee! And so much gratitude to Julene for raising her Patreon pledge.

After my trip to Miami, I’m feeling turned on by life. I wish you that! And as always, I wish us someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.

Thank you for becoming horizontal.