Welcome back to part 2 of 4 episodes with my dear friends, primary poly partners, kinky lovers, and entrepreneurs, leaders in the poly / kink People of Color community, Tiana & Orion.
In episode 78. surprise surprise he liked black chicks, we dove into Tiana’s sexual development. We talked about natural musk, her parent’s divorce, commuting between the two households, what Tiana & Orion’s parents have in common, face-sitting on teddy bears, her first inklings of exhibitionism, being a good girl, then fucking til you die!, how Tiana met her husband in middle school by dropping books on him, the story of their marriage, a very good tip for good anal play, the taint, camming on Chaturbate, looking for threesomes on Feeld, Tiana’s first polycule and first triad, and how her ex demolished their relationship by wiping out their accounts on payroll day. And that was just the first quarter of our conversation, and you should listen to it first.
In this episode, we discuss Orion’s family legacy: the violence of his father, his mother’s pattern of dating abusive men, coding love based on what we experienced as children, and how even abuse can be coded as love if it was all you could get from your caregivers, witnessing more than one way to father, poverty & private school, Orion’s interplay with the archetype of the strong black woman, us-against-the-world, compartmentalization, bullying, Orion, The Soldier, and The Beast, going to the Renaissance Faire as a black couple, microaggressions at a white boat party, how Orion is the first black male primary partner that Tiana has had, and Orion’s biggest difficulty being in relationship with Tiana. (I don’t think you’ll guess what it is!)
And this is just part two!
You definitely want to hear part three & four of this conversation.
Tiana and Orion allow us to witness the inner workings of their relationship, talking through the biggest strain that they have have experienced so far, live, involving broken agreements, a communication breakdown, and sex with secondary partner. It’s fresh, and alive. New information is revealed in the conversation: there is hurt, and introspection, and questioning, and loving challenge, and we get to hear — in real time — how they work through the Deep Feels.
They are beyond generous to allow us this true window into their poly life. It is an edge. I am deeply honored that they would navigate that edge and allow us to listen in. This has my aim for the podcast all along— to allow you to eavesdrop on a private conversation, so that we can learn some of the forms that intimate dialogue can take. I feel certain there’s something there for you, poly or not.
In order to listen to part three and four, become a patron of the horizontal arts! Go to Patreon.com / horizontal with lila ... At the base tier of $10/month, you get access to The Full Horizontal, including all the part twos going back to the beginning (or in this case, threes and fours) plus access to the secret patrons Facebook group, and a monthly video of intimacy tips and a love poem.
In keeping with my commitment to myself to rewire my nervous system for joy by celebrating triumphs of any size, I have something to share:
On May 21st, 2019, I will celebrate 2 years of horizontal. A Horizontal-Aversary!
I have never loved a project for so long before. I have never felt so powerfully committed to a mission before. And I have never before had the soul-satisfaction of knowing that my work resonates. I am going to mark this occasion in two ways: first, with another Confetti Project Open Studios photo shoot, and then, on May 21st, with a Horizontal-Aversary party at which the invitees are all previous horizontal guests & current patrons. (Become one in the next 10 days for an invite!)
I plan to attempt the recording of an episode unprecented in the horizontal-verse!
I’d be honored if you’d celebrate this milestone with me in any one of these ways: becoming a patron, sending me a personal message about how a particular horizontal concept or episode has made a difference for you, or by sharing this art I’ve made you with the people you love most in the world.
Thank you for listening.
Come lie down with us again in the The Bronx, New York.
My name is Lila, and I love sleepovers, spooning, sharing, storytelling, sex, and stargazing, among other things. I’ve metaphorically rolled them up in audio form and called it a podcast. Horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. It’s intimacies of all kinds. It’s consensual eavesdropping. It’s us lying down right next to each other, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.
During Seasons 1 and 2, I got horizontal with one guest at a time, but Season 3 will be mostly comprised of threesomes: myself plus two guests who are in some kind of relationship with one another. Typically, each conversation is between two and three hours long, and divided into two parts — the part ones are available in all the podcast places, and the part twos are available exclusively for my patrons. But this episode is something truly remarkable. We recorded for over five hours, and we went both broad and deep. I’ll be dividing this conversation into four parts: the first two, episodes 78 & 79, will be available in all the podcast places, and the last two 80 & 81, will be exclusive to patrons of the horizontal arts.
To become a patron, go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila — at the base tier of $10/month, you get access to The Full Horizontal, including all the part twos (or in this case, threes and fours) plus access to the secret patrons Facebook group, and a monthly video of intimacy tips and a love poem.
In this and the following 3 episodes, I lie down with two of the people I love most in the world, Tiana and Orion. I’ve known Orion for 13 years, and Tiana for 1. They are: my people. I cherish them. With great regard. I believe in them. I believe in them like a good parent believes in their kids. I see them.
Orion is a massage therapist, a father, a personal trainer, a polysaturated lover, and a newly-minted kink educator. Orion and I met at the very beginning of my yoga teaching career. We worked at the same gym. I knew him when he had dreads. I knew him when he was married. I knew him when he became a father. For many years, we saw each other every single week — I’d teach him a private yoga class, and he would give me a massage, and we would tell each other all about our lives. He is one of the most overscheduled people I have ever known, but he always always made time for me. It was therapeutic in so many ways. He healed my body when I was training acrobatics. He made space for my moods and did not judge my depression. He knew of every heartbreak, every abandoned project, every new desire, all the plans and all the schemes. He was a primary confidant. He is firmly in my corner.
Tiana is the glittersaurus: the sparkliest, most fabulous human I have ever personally known and loved. She is an entrepreneur with a pet-care business, a professional dominatrix, a model and a stylist for fun, a craft-er, and not for nothin’, one of the most gorgeous women that exists. She is so beautiful, and yet focuses so little on the physical beauty of her lovers, that I joke that she’s like Fleur from Harry Potter, “I am beautiful enough for ze both of us!” She has singlehandedly inspired me to live into the Burning Man principle of radical self-expression with the way I present myself every single day. I think some people might be surprised that before a year ago, I wasn’t fully self-expressed with my clothing. But I wasn’t. I was always concerned about being “too.” “Too too.” But Tiana, because of her willingness to be gloriously bold, to tolerate the attention that that brings (and it brings all kinds), and to go larger, bigger, shinier when she feels challenged, not LESS, she unlocked that for me, and I am so grateful.
Tiana and Orion are polyamorous, which means they have many loves, and they are primary partners, which means that they prioritize their connection, even though they are linked romantically and/or sexually to multiple other partners and lovers and romantic friends.
In this episode, Tiana, Orion, and I talk about natural musk, her parent’s divorce, commuting between the two households, what Tiana & Orion’s parents have in common, face-sitting on teddy bears, first inklings of exhibitionism, being a good girl, then fucking til you die, Tiana meeting her husband in middle school, the story of her marriage, a tip for good anal play, the taint, camming on Chaturbate, looking for threesomes on Feeld, Tiana’s first polycule and first triad, and how her ex ended their marriage by wiping out their accounts. And this is just the first quarter of our conversation. (!)
This podcast was edited by Chad Michael Snavely- he's Chad Michael.com on the interwebz. My intro music was created by Alan Markley, @plasticcannons on Instagram, and my sensual cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay, whom you can find on 99 Designs.
Come lie down with us, in the Bronx.